I Don't Need To Be Saved
by donnielax36
Summary: As I watch the blade slice across my upper thigh I feel bliss. I love the feeling. When people ask me why I do it I can't exactly say that to them. So instead I say I don't know. Deals with drugs, sex, alcohol, self harm, depression, possible rape. This is AH and a bit OOC.
1. hi

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer.

As I watch the blade slice across my upper thigh I feel bliss. I love the feeling. When people ask me why I do it I can't exactly say that to them. So instead I say I don't know. I sit on the floor against the side of my dresser in front of my window. This is what I do sometimes. I sit here for hours getting high and doing nothing except for watching tv and adding more marks to my already scared up hips. I don't care that what I'm doing is pointless I like doing it so deal with it because I won't listen to you anyway.

 _Shit I need to get a towel before this gets on the carpet._

It wasn't too bad today but still I can never be too careful. Don't want certain people freaking out over nothing.

I get up sadly but only because I have to get dressed for school. I finally pick out a tight band t-shirt that I had cut up and tied in areas and dark blue skinny jeans and gray boots. I check out my blonde hair in the mirror and put on mascara and I'm on my way. I grab a cheese stick on my way past the kitchen that should hold me over for a few hours. I eat sometimes just not all the time. I quickly make sure my wallet and cigarettes are in my bag before getting into my car. Yes I'm 18 and I'm a senior in high school here in forks. That also means I'm an adult and can make my own decisions.

I walk up to my car. My beautiful blue 2000 Volkswagen beetle convertible. I got this car all on my own and no one can take it away from me. I love that part. My parents can't use it against me. Enough of that for now though. Time to drive. Before putting the car in drive I light up my first ciggy of the day. I take my first hit and I feel even more relaxed if that were even possible with how much weed I smoked this morning so far. I felt great the anxiety is nowhere in sight and I feel calm and my mind is clear and not chaotic.

I stop wasting time and pull away from my house. I love that I don't have to ride a bus to school that would be absolutely horrible. I always enjoy just driving and smoking it's just so nice. At least for me it is.

You probably have some questions about me. Well let me see if I can answer them. I'm an honors student. School just comes so easy to me it's almost boring.

I do have friends. I'm actually well-known at my school. I am captain of the lacrosse team and I cheer as well. Other activities that I like to do that are not school related are drinking and smoking. Those two things plus cigs keep me sane in this town.

God, with all my issues I don't think that I would be able to function without weed for a long period of time yea a few days is ok but I don't think I could go weeks. Hell I have a better chance of not smoking any cigs then I do of not smoking any more weed.

Sadly the drive to school isn't a long one. So 2 smokes down and here I am at Forks High School. So fucking exciting. I immediately spot the group in our usually parking spaces. We have Jess, Tyler, Mike, Angela, and Eric. You'll learn more about them as we go along so their names will have to be good enough for now.

I had my top down so Tyler just hoped into the passenger seat when I put my car in park.

"Good morning to you too" I said in between giggles.

"Bella you just have to give this one a try. Its fucking epic!" he replied handing me the blunt.

Like how could I possibly turn down weed and free weed at that? That's like putting food in front of a hungry person and telling them that they can't eat it. Ok maybe not that extreme but you get my point. So like any sane person would do I plucked the blunt from his fingers and took a nice long drag and held it as long as I could. I took a few more hits off of it before handing it back to him. Holy shit that stuff was amazing. I need to get some of that from him later. Either trading or buying I don't really care.

"Damn that was amazing!" I felt like I was melting to my seat.

"Girl are you gonna be able to go to class" mike laughed at me.

"Fuck off mike. I'm feeling just perfect right now."

"To bad there isn't enough time for us to get in the back seat before class" Tyler added thinking that he could get lucky.

"Tyler you know she's not into that. She's not into mindless fucking like some people around here are." Jess chimed in.

"Hey there's nothing wrong with having a little bit of fun here and there." Tyler defended

"I agree there is nothing wrong with that it's just something that I currently have no desire for." I stated.

Yep that's right. I'm also a virgin. I've never actually had a boyfriend before. I've had a girlfriend but not a boyfriend before. I like guys but none have really peaked my interest here. Sex is not one of my main priorities either believe it or not.

"Well there goes the bell guys" Angela said getting worried. "You know we can't be late anymore guys"

"Shit your right. Let's go guys we can get more high later before lunch." I figured that would be so motivation for them.

I put my top up real quick and I grab my bag before getting out of my car. I check my reflection one last time to make sure I look half way decent for the day and get out.

"Let's get this fucking day over with"


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone, sorry it's taking me forever to update. I completely lost track of time between college and work. I am currently working on the second chapter and it will be up within the next few days. I have made a few changes to the first chapter mainly that Bella will not be cheering anymore. I wanted to focus on different things in the beginning of the story.


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